25 May 08 Mountain Dew Council of Elders Exiles Non-Radical Teen

From their hidden sanctuary high atop Mount Dew, the Mountain Dew Council Of Elders formally passed judgment on area teen Brian Ruderman yesterday, unanimously ruling him “not radical” and sentencing him to eternal banishment from the Extreme Network.

“To you, Brian Ruderman, we have said in the past, Do the Dew,” Mountain Dew Highfather Snow-boardus the Totally Radical said as the final verdict was delivered. “But from this day forth say we it no longer, saying to ye instead, Brian Ruderman, go forth from this place, leave us, and Do the Dew no more.” ..continue..

My favorite ‘The Onion’ article, good to see their older stuff being put back on the site.

Tags: dew

27 Jul 05 Goodbye Dew

Mountain Dew, sweet sweet Moutain Dew. The life source.
I have drunk Dew almost daily for about 15 years. I have stopped several times and have suffered the consequences. I think this time though, I am off for good.
It has been 7 weeks now since I have tasted the power of Dew and I am happy I am finally off the stuff, again.
Detoxing from Dew is tough, two to three days of throbbing sometimes blinding headaches. Nothing helps, aspirin did not help at all, even consuming a Dew during the headaches never brought timely relief.
The temptation is still there. The week I decided to go cold turkey off the stuff, work swapped from Coke to Pepsi for its vending machines. Being a college the machines are just loaded with Dew.
But I remain strong, I hit the Tropicana Fruit Punch when I get that thirst. I know Fruit Punch is not the healthiest, but it is a whole lot better than being hooked on Dew.

Tags: dew